Monday, April 27, 2009
Do you ever have one of those days that you are so grateful that you have two healthy happy babies? Today I am having one of those emotional days. Last night we were watching The Work and the Glory #2 and there was a part that showed when Joseph was holding his baby boy and then a mob came to take him and tar and feather him and then the next morning it shows Emma holding her baby and Joseph and Lucy realized that the baby had passed away and Emma just breaks down into tears as they take away her baby. I can't help but just cry and look at my sweet baby sleeping in his swing and be so grateful that he is alive and healthy. Having him a little over 4 weeks early was the scariest thing in the whole world. You never know what is going to happen when you have your baby. Are they going to be healthy? If not can you handle what ever may come? We were so blessed that Kael was so healthy and strong. He came out fitting to be close to us. I know this is random but that moment in that movie really pressed upon my heart how blessed I have been to be able to carry my two sweet boys in my body while they grew and then they came down to this earth and were whole. I know of several friends that have lost their babies when they were first born and my heart aches for the pain and loss that they must feel everyday of their lives. Every moment that I get so angry at Vance because he threw something across the room, or that I am frustrated and tired with Kael when he won't go to sleep at night I feel awful thinking that these mothers won't even have the chance to hold them and give them kisses, something I think I take for granted sometimes. Even just know when Vance broke the remote control and I got upset at him, what is my problem? Why can't I just love him and not get mad at him? Just be thankful that he is here and that he is mine? Why? I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a baby. What faith they must have to be able to get past their grief enough to see the bigger picture: that we will be able to see our lose loved ones again in heaven. I would hope that if I ever had to deal with this type of loss that I would be able to turn to my Father in Heaven and thank him for the time that I was given and for taking my sweet baby into his arms and watching over him until I can see him again. I don't know why the Lord chose to give me my sweet angels and to take others from someone else but I do know that I will cherish every moment that I can. Every new discovery, every sweet smile, every tear, every kiss, every moment of silent peace at nap time when I can just look at them and love them. I am so blessed to have Vance and Kael in my life and I hope that they will always know what a miracle they each are to me.